You Won’t Get These Bedtimes Back

Bedtime does not always feel magical

It is very easy to romanticise bedtime when you're not actually doing it.

In photographs, bedtime is soft lighting, matching pyjamas and a child peacefully listening to a story.

Real bedtime can look slightly different.

Someone doesn't want to get undressed.

The toothpaste has somehow ended up on the mirror.

The favourite teddy has disappeared even though it was definitely there five minutes ago.

Your child suddenly needs a drink.

Then another drink.

Then the toilet.

Then they remember something incredibly important that happened three days ago.

And when you finally sit down with the book, they ask for the longest one they own.

At that moment, “just one story” can feel like the final obstacle between you and the sofa.

That is completely normal.

You can love your children more than anything in the world and still desperately want them to go to sleep.

Both things can be true.

But these ordinary evenings are childhood

The big moments are easy to remember.

Birthdays.

First days at school.

Christmas mornings.

Holidays.

But childhood is mostly made up of ordinary days.

Hundreds of baths.

Hundreds of dinners.

Hundreds of journeys in the car.

Hundreds of bedtimes.

And those ordinary things often become the memories we miss most later.

The way they always chose the same book.

The way they interrupted before you reached the second page.

The voice they used when they knew what was coming next.

The little hand turning two pages at once.

The fact that they somehow managed to take up most of a bed designed for somebody four times their size.

None of it feels particularly significant while it is happening.

Until one day it isn't happening anymore.

“One more story” will not last forever

When a child asks for one more story, they probably are trying to delay bedtime.

Let's not pretend otherwise.

Children are excellent negotiators when sleep is involved.

But there is something else hidden inside that request too.

One more story means:

Stay here a little longer.

One more adventure.

One more laugh.

One more few minutes where they have your attention and the rest of the world can wait.

That does not mean you have to say yes every night.

Parents need boundaries.

Parents need evenings.

Sometimes the answer really does need to be:

“No. We have already read three.”

But every now and then, when you've got the energy for it, that extra story might be worth reading.

Because there will eventually come a time when nobody asks.

You do not need to make every bedtime special

This is important.

An article about appreciating childhood should not become another way of making parents feel guilty.

You do not have to cherish every second.

Nobody does.

Some bedtimes are lovely.

Some are frustrating.

Some happen much later than planned.

Some involve tears.

Some involve arguments.

Sometimes you skip the story because everyone is exhausted.

Sometimes you read three.

Sometimes you are physically present but mentally thinking about the washing downstairs.

That is family life.

You are not supposed to experience every ordinary moment while simultaneously thinking:

I must appreciate this because one day I will miss it.

That would be exhausting.

You just need to notice it occasionally.

Five minutes can become a memory

Children rarely need elaborate experiences from us as often as we think they do.

Sometimes what they want most is incredibly simple.

Sit here.

Read this.

Look at this picture.

Do the funny voice.

Read that bit again.

Five minutes might not feel like much to an adult.

To a young child, five minutes of undivided attention can feel enormous.

And years later, they probably won't remember whether the house was tidy.

They probably won't remember whether bedtime happened fifteen minutes late.

They may not even remember the exact books.

But they may remember the feeling.

Being warm.

Being safe.

Hearing your voice.

Knowing what came next.

The books change as they grow

At first, you do almost all the work.

You hold the book.

You turn the pages.

You point at the pictures.

Then gradually they start joining in.

They finish the sentence because they know the story by heart.

They recognise letters.

They spot words.

Eventually, they start reading parts to you.

Then whole pages.

Maybe later you move on to longer books and read a chapter each night.

And eventually, they may decide they would rather read alone.

That is exactly what you want.

The whole point is that they grow.

But growth has a habit of quietly ending things while it begins new ones.

One day you are reading to them.

Then suddenly, they are reading without you.

There is no need to rush the ending

Children spend so much of childhood trying to become older.

They want the bigger bed.

The later bedtime.

The grown-up cup.

The harder book.

They want to do things themselves.

And as parents, much of our job is helping them get there.

But we do not have to hurry every stage along.

If an older child still wants a story, read one.

If they can read perfectly well by themselves but still want you beside them, stay.

Independent reading and being read to are not the same thing.

There is no age at which affection becomes unnecessary.

One day, the bedroom will be quiet

At some point, bedtime will become much easier.

They will brush their own teeth.

Find their own pyjamas.

Get themselves a drink.

Choose their own book.

Close their own door.

You will not have to search for the missing teddy.

Nobody will ask you to check underneath the bed.

Nobody will request a fourth cuddle because the previous three apparently did not count.

And you will probably enjoy some of that freedom.

You should.

But you may occasionally walk past their room and remember when getting them into bed felt like a full-contact sport.

And strangely, you might miss parts of it.

Even the ridiculous parts.

Especially the ridiculous parts.

So read the story when you can

Not because somebody on the internet told you that good parents read every single night.

Not because you need to maximise your child's development.

Not because bedtime has to become a perfect routine.

Read because stories are fun.

Read because they like it.

Read because you like the way they laugh at the same joke every time.

Read because for a few minutes, nothing else needs doing.

And if tonight is one of those evenings where you simply cannot face another page?

Turn the light off.

Give them a kiss.

Try again tomorrow.

There will hopefully be plenty more bedtimes.

Just not an unlimited number.

And perhaps that is what makes them worth noticing.